


Don't Touch Me (just love me)

by sammyspreadyourwings



Series: Local Ace Loves Space (and three boys) [1]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Asexual Brian May, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Asexuality, Dorks in Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Flashbacks, Fluff, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Platonic Relationships, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Pre-Relationship, Romance, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 22:31:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19119007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sammyspreadyourwings/pseuds/sammyspreadyourwings
Summary: It takes a while before Brian is comfortable with himself. No one else seems to get it, either.





	Don't Touch Me (just love me)

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Pride Month!  
> Also more Ace!Brian because I am indulgent this month. Let me live. Please enjoy! You don't have to be familiar with Between the Spiderwebs, but I highly encourage reading it!

Brian rolls over and smiles softly at John wrapping around a pillow that was more than likely placed by Roger. He’s dressed in nothing more than a loose pair of boxers and Brian can’t help the content feeling that swirls in his chest. He’s too sleepy to pull up an exact number, but sometimes he’s still surprised that they’ve put up with him for over a decade now.

Then again, John had been the one to put his foot down on the pedal and get them to pull their heads out of their asses.

Brian wraps their hands together and distantly wonders were Freddie and Roger have gone off to until he hears the shower running. At first, _this_ had been playful flirting without the expectation of it going anywhere. He’d been happy with that.

It wasn’t perfect. Freddie, when he got jealous, turned to passive-aggressive remarks and Roger was standoffish. Brian got frustrated with constantly being the chew-toy or being clung to in order to keep him from going home with whoever was flirting with him.

Well, as much as the credit does belong to John in getting them together, Brian figures its also thanks to his non-band friends for reading into the situation and getting the wrong conclusion. He twists to look at the clock and smiles when he sees they still have two hours before they must think about getting ready.

John discards the pillow and cuddles closer to him. Brian falls asleep once more.

* * *

“Really, Bri?” Chrissie sighs, “still pinning after Freddie?”

Brian pulls his eyes away from where his singer entertaining the masses with a story. Chrissie has stolen his beer and given him whatever mixed drink a bloke had purchased in hopes of getting lucky.

“It’s coconut,” she says in explanation, “but how long has it been since Freddie paid any _attention_ to you.”

He carefully doesn’t say that he likes the fact that Freddie doesn’t pay that sort of _attention_ to him. Chrissie sets the mug down, and some of the beer sloshes over the side. It blends in with the sticky mess that Roger had caused before he ran off to maybe greet his girlfriend? Brian had honestly been distracted by his eyes.

“It’s been what? Two years? Now he mothers John when you four go out.”

“John would stop it if he didn’t like it.”

Chrissie eyes him in a way that tells him he’s not getting out of the conversation that easily. He sips on the drink to avoid continuing the conversation. The coconut flavoring is strong, but he does enjoy the undercurrent of citrus. Mango maybe?

“So, they have a connection. At least when it was Roger, he didn’t have anyone.”

Roger’s latest fling has surprisingly stuck it out the longest at three weeks. Brian isn’t sure that quantifies has “having someone,” especially since said girl is plastered to someone definitely not Roger at the bar. Ouch.

Chrissie follows his gaze, “ow.”

It’s not going to be a fun night at the flat. With any luck, Freddie’s already headed it off. Drunk Roger is occasionally fun but potentially whiney, either way, it’s still better than a pissed of Roger. Chrissie pouts. Brian raises an eyebrow.

“I still think you should get back to dating.”

“With school and the band, I don’t think –”

“Nonsense,” Chrissie waves a hand, “there’s always time for love.”

Roger appears from the crowd. It saves him from whatever plan Chrissie has hatched. Surprisingly, Roger is a good mood and only a little tipsy.

“Mutual breakup,” Roger says after a second, “no hard feelings.”

He isn’t surprised Roger knew what he was thinking. Brian wheezes when Roger decides that he’s done standing and leans heavily on him and falls into his stomach.

“Lets bail. John left with Freddie to get snacks. Going to marathon Godzilla movies.”

Chrissie raises both of her hands. Brian frowns, wondering what kind of look Roger is shooting her. He rubs the spot just to the left of Roger’s spine, which calms him down.

“Sounds good. Later Chrissie.”

“Think about it!”

With any luck, she’ll have forgotten what they were talking about.

* * *

She doesn’t.

“Morgan, this is Brian. The guy I was talking about.”

Morgan, who is an objectively pretty brunette with gray eyes, is obviously not meant to remind him of Freddie. She reminds him of John, which isn’t exactly helpful.

“Hi, uh?”

“Pleasure,” she extends and neatly manicured hand.

Brian gets a sharp vision of acrylics digging into his skin and tenses, “sorry. I don’t have time for a relationship.”

Chrissie scowls at him.

“Same here. Three months from my doctorate in molecular biology.”

Brian nods.

“So we can keep it casual.”

He’s in trouble.

“I don’t do casual well.”

Chrissie stomps her foot, she misses his, “but you will do dinner together on Friday.”

“What?”

“At that curry place on 18th? The one with the vegetarian option that you say is the best because it isn’t bland?”

“Oh! They have a really good oyster dish!” Morgan claps.

“Well, I have to get back to my lab. See you Friday, Brian!”

Morgan leaves and Chrissie smirks.

“It’ll be fun.”

“I don’t want a relationship. I don’t want casual,” Brian breathes in deeply before he loses his temper, “Chrissie call it off.”

“I’m worried about you Brian. All you do is school and that band of yours.”

“Thank you for the concern, but I quite like how my life is right now.”

Chrissie crosses her arms, “just once. I swear!”

Brian sighs, “once.”

It probably won’t take more than that for Morgan to never want to talk to him again. Besides, Freddie might have booked them a gig.

* * *

“Lovelies,” Freddie calls when he enters the flat, “try to not miss me while I’m staying with my family for the weekend. It’s Kash’s birthday and I simply must attend. Mother is making these delightful pastries–”

Brian sighs. There goes that excuse.

“B?”

Roger looks up from where he’s using Brian’s thighs as a pillow while playing Mario Kart with John.

“Nothing, school.”

“Is it nothing or is it school?” Freddie teases gently.

“Chrissie set me up on a date.”

“So? Bail,” Roger purses his lips.

John knocks him off the road and Roger whines.

“Yeah, maybe.”

“That’s the spirit!”

Brian tries very hard to not sympathize with the car that keeps driving over banana peels.

* * *

He forgets to cancel. At 16:38, he’s rushing around the flat trying to locate his other good sneaker. Roger got into a row with his father and ended up using shoes as ammunition while he was trying to calm down, and none of them bothered to straighten up since Wednesday.

“You’re going?” Roger pouts.

“Yeah, I can’t stand her up.”

“Her?” John frowns, “I thought–”

“Oh yeah, you weren’t here for the reign of Chrissie.”

“Don’t say it like that.”

“It true,” Roger flops back, and turns to John, “she kept making Brian go to these things that he didn’t care about.”

“I was spending time with my girlfriend.”

“And I think she only agreed to go to what Brian wanted a few times before they broke up.”

Brian shrugs. That had been the relationship in a nutshell, although he was more ambivalent about the places that Chrissie took him to than Roger makes it out to be. It’s not worth the argument, and he knows Roger will forget about his moodiness in an hour or so when he gets to the first bar.

“Anyway, I’m odd.”

Roger raises his hand. Brian rolls his eyes.

“Later, Brian,” John calls

He pulls on his coat and hurries out of the flat.

Morgan waves when she meets his eyes. They kiss each other on the cheek in greeting. The staff has a table set up for them already. Brian hopes he can get out of this without getting another person mad enough to throw a drink at him.

Rejecting sex _really_ isn’t a slight, Brian wishes more people would accept that fact. He bites his cheek when Morgan orders an appetizer.

“Don’t worry, we’ll pay for our own meals.”

Brian nods in thanks. He really didn’t want to be out money when he didn’t even want to be here in the first place. The meal is tasty and the conversation isn’t bad, even if Morgan mostly talks about her research. It’s hard to imagine getting any amusement out of watching plankton react to different algae grown under various conditions.

“What about your research?” She finally asks when they’re nearly done.

“Still in undergrad, but I work with one of the physics professors on his work using low-frequency sound emissions to find the composition of various nebulas. My paper got sent off to a journal.”

“Hm, hopefully, it gets published. That’ll look very nice on a graduate school application.”

“Yeah,” he knows it would.

He wonders how Freddie is going to feel about him continuing his education past a bachelor’s. Roger already said he’s stopping once he graduates and John shouldn’t be forced to make that choice so soon. They haven’t gotten any serious offers from a label, and they’re worried about fighting with platforms about their rights.

Morgan taps her fingers on the table, “how’s Smile – er, the band going?”

“It’s Queen now,” he moves his hand from where Morgan covered it with hers.

“And it’s going good. We have a really nice sound.”

“I like the uh, throwback, deal. A glam rock band? It’s very cute.”

Brian bites his cheek, “well, we’re hoping its unique enough to catch someone’s eyes.”

“Aren’t you a little old to be playing at wanting to be a Rockstar?”

He doesn’t answer that.

Morgan seems to catch her mistake, “lets head out. I have a fantastic Peruvian coffee at my place.”

“I don’t drink coffee,” he blurts.

“Okay,” Morgan rolls her eyes, “then we just call it what it is. My place for sex.”

He’s grateful he isn’t drinking anything right now, but also he knows the elderly couple next to them heard that. His stomach is squirming in a way that doesn’t sit well with the curry, “sorry. I–”

“Chrissie said you’re a bit of a traditionalist. Should I ask on the second or third date?”

Brian’s mouth opens, and then he closes it. He really wishes he had just made Chrissie call this entire thing off because now he’s probably going to have to _explain_ and that rarely goes well.

“No.”

Well, that doesn’t explain anything.

“Never?” Morgan coos.

Why does everything think that? Brian presses his lips together, better question why they suddenly talk to him like some innocent kid. He’s had sex before, tried to force himself to like it and then cried about it when the person left. Except saying _that_ is crossing a line, and frankly no one’s business but his own.

“I have, it’s just…”

“Let me guess, it isn’t me but you,” Morgan arches a brow.

“Basically.”

Morgan stands up quickly, “whatever.”

Brian holds his head in his hands. Roger and Freddie can bounce from partner to partner with no hard feelings meanwhile, he can barely get through a dinner without any chance of salvaging it. Morgan doesn’t speak to him the entire time they’re waiting to pay, it isn’t a loss considering he doesn’t think it would work even with the sex, but he still feels like it’s somehow his fault.

He feels like he should just own up to the fact that he doesn’t _want_ sex, doesn’t even _like it_ and then suffer through a night every blue moon just to stop people from hating him when he rejects them. It’s probably why he’s here now, making strangers dislike him just so he can keep the people that matter around him.

“I didn’t mean to offend you,” he says hotly once they’re outside, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” she says aggressively, “not everyone can do casual.”

Brian holds the “I don’t like sex, period” back. He’s sure that wouldn’t go over well because he’s sure he’ll get the “but you’ve never had sex with me” statement. It makes his lungs itchy. He pulls out his phone. The dinner ended early enough that he could join Roger and John at whatever bar they’re currently at.

He sends them a quick text. Roger sends him twenty exclamation marks.

“Ah, you love someone already.”

In what world is someone more understanding of being used to get over someone than a person not being interested in sex. Brian glances up and struggles to keep his voice even.

“What?”

“You have a lovely smile for them. Wish Chrissie would have told me that this is what this was about.”

“She wants me to get over them.”

“And you don’t?”

Brian doesn’t reply. Morgan shrugs and starts walking towards her uber, “good luck.”

“Thanks, you too.”

* * *

Chrissie seems to take the failed date as a personal challenge. Despite the promise of once, Brian finds himself running out of excuses and going on impromptu dates whenever Chrissie finds him doing nothing. She’s scarily accurate about where he’s at. He knows she wants to help, but he doesn’t need it.

Things aren’t good at the flat either. Freddie applauds his sudden string of dates with backhanded compliments. Roger is moody, and Brian’s things suffer the most in the tantrums. John is downright bitchy at him. It might not be about him, but Brian is enough of an egoist that he’s sure it is.

His dating is the only change to their routine, anyway.

“Not going out tonight?”

Freddie and Roger make themselves scarce. Brian wonders why, and decides they’re probably keeping from being witness to a murder. He’s just not sure what he’s done to make _John_ of all people, mad at him. They don’t own him.

“No. I think Chrissie finally ran out of single friends.”

Although he wouldn’t put it past her to start negotiating couples for a threesome. Which. Brian has to swallow back the bile.

“Chrissie?”

Brian blinks, “yeah. She’s been on this kick about finding me a partner to make me happy?”

John hums. He returns his attention to the TV. Its some American crime documentary.

“Are you?”

“Huh?”

John scrunches his face, “would it make you–”

Brian waits for him to finish the sentence. After a minute he figures out what John was trying to hint at. He doesn’t get why John couldn’t ask.

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

John seems confused.

“That’s what I said,” Brian looks towards the window, “ah, I found Roger’s glasses.”  
“Oh, yeah,” John leans around him.

“Do you love him?”

Brian jumps. John figuring him is expected, but he hadn’t thought that he’d be confronted about it. He isn’t sure what he wants to say, or how to say it in a way that isn’t a lie or would give everything away.

“Or is it Freddie?”

Brian stares wide-eyed at John.

“Me?”

Truthfully, he hadn’t thought deeply about his feelings about John. Brian doesn’t need three hopeless romances. Well. It answers the questions. He’s isn’t sure that he wants to vocalize that thought.

“Does it matter?”

“Yes.”

He watches the light play on John’s face. Answering would give him the answer, but it might not be the one he wants. There’s a small change he gets the one that works out best for him. Several scenarios in which one or two parties get hurt, run through his head. There’s one where they all get hurt and one that he’s the only one that gets hurt.

If he had to put money down, he’s probably going to be the only one hurt and even then in all of them, there are expectations of something that he could give but doesn’t want to. He could suck it up for a night with a random stranger, but he can’t imagine the faces that his bandmates would make if he did it with them.

Actually, he can, extremely vividly. Which is why he’ll be the only one hurt if he had his choice. John would close himself off, no trace of emotion in his eyes before walking out. Roger would let too many emotions show before sinking to the bed in numb disbelief. Freddie would get wide-eyed and teary before stepping away and asking _too many_ questions.

“Because the three of us want to make _this,”_ John waves his hand vaguely, “into a relationship, but we need you too.”

Brian hadn’t realized that John had been talking while he was having his spiral.

“Why aren’t Roger and Freddie in here?”

That isn’t what he meant to say. It works, but he has no idea what’s going on and questioning it is less obvious than asking John to explain it again.

“We didn’t want you to feel pressured into saying yes.”

Brian stares at him. This is coming out of nowhere. When had Freddie fallen in love with him? When had John? He’s known Roger’s been a little in love with him for years, but he ignored it because Roger likes sex and well. Brian doesn’t.

John tilts his head, “when you started… dating? We realized that it sort of felt like we were losing you.”

Brian doesn’t get it.

“Not in a physical way. We know you wouldn’t _leave._ There was just less you. You’d come back distant, then we’d fight, and then everything would be fine. Then you’d be off on another date so on so forth.”

He’s never heard John talk so much. It’s not like he wasn’t aware of the pattern, he was probably three dates from just sucking it up so that Chrissie would be happy and get off his back.

“We thought that you were trying to get over us, and we didn’t want that.”

Brian leans back and thinks. This is everything he wants on a silver platter. He loves them. They love him, romantically. How much of him would they take? How much could he give them without giving too much? Romantically, he could give them everything. Sexually? That would get messy anyway he cuts it.

Would it work? Would he be happy?

He knows he’d be happy at least. When this failed though, he’d have to give up Queen.

“I want that.”

“But?”

“I don’t want it to become too much too fast.”

It’s as close as he could get to telling them now. After months of being hated for saying no, or stopping too early, he can’t imagine a way that this goes well _I’ll tell them before a year passes._ If they make it that long.

“Well, we already live together, and we’re pretty much inseparable, but we can move slow for this.”

John pulls him into a hug. Brian tries to relax into it, but he’s too busy thinking about how he feels the undercurrent of expectation now. He’ll tell them soon, but for now, he’ll enjoy it.

Especially when Freddie wraps around his other side and he can feel Roger’s hands in his hair.

He idly wonders how long this can last.

* * *

Brian is startled awake by a wet and shivering Roger. He snorts and lifts the blanket after scooting away from the furnace that is John, who grumbles in his sleep. Probably from being dripped on.

“Should’ve dried your hair?”

“Freddie is hogging it, and I was too cold to wait for him to get done.”

“So,” Brian laughs, “you’ve come just to steal our warmth.”

“Mm,” Roger pokes his nose, “and you looked like you were having a bad dream.”  
Brian shakes his head, “if I was, I don’t remember it.”

Roger tugs John’s arm around his waist, “oh. Well, I’m still taking credit for saving you.”

“Naturally.”

He waits for a second and Roger bites his bottom lip, “I thought that you might’ve heard Freddie and me.”

“Don’t think so.”

“Okay,” Roger burrows into his chest, “you’d tell us though if you were uncomfortable?”

Brian tries hard to not roll his eyes. Roger has always been the most concerned about overstepping the line. It used to annoy Brian because he thought that it meant Roger didn’t trust him and that he’d just take it.

That did happen _once_ and nearly ruined them, so Brian learned to accept it. Then Freddie pointed out one night that it was also more of a comfort for Roger than any lack of trust in Brian. He’s gotten used to the question after thirteen years.

“I would.”

Roger smiles. The hotel room goes silent, and Brian dimly realizes that Freddie must’ve finished with the hairdryer.

“Too comfortable now. I’m asleep,” Roger closes his eyes tightly.

“Your hair is going to be a mess, even as short as it is.”

“Shh, sleeping.”

Freddie walks into the main room. Brian nods at him from where he’s prevented from standing. He watches Freddie saunter over and steals a quick kiss from Brian.

“I am a lucky man indeed,” Freddie says after a second.

“Luckier than I,” Brian bats his eyes and then after a dramatic enough pause, “because now I really need to use the bathroom.”

John slaps at him groggily, because Freddie is cackling loudly. Roger is burrowing further under the blankets to prevent himself from being disturbed, still holding tightly onto Brian. When Freddie’s laughing doesn’t die down, Roger pokes his head back up.

“I’m cuddling with John. He understands how nice it is to sleep.”

Brian quickly moves out of bed in case Roger decides he wants to be a greedy cuddlier again this morning. Out of the blankets, he does briefly mourn the warmth he left. His back is quickly covered by Freddie, and he feels feather-light kisses against his shoulders. He turns his head to get a glimpse of the singer.

“You do need to get John up, we have that interview today.”

“Hmmm,” Freddie looks up at him with his chin digging into the meat of his shoulder.

“ _Freddie_.”

“Okay.”

“I’m going to take a shower,” he says helpfully, “and commandeer the hair dryer.”

Freddie picks up a strand and pulls it taught, “you could cut it. Short hair is in.”

“No thanks, I’ve already done that once.”

“Good, I like your hair.”

“Then why did you tell me to cut it?”

“A test,” Freddie says cryptically.

Brian smiles fondly because Freddie’s eyes are filled with warm love. He turns around and steals a quick kiss before backing out of the embrace.

“Wake up John,” Brian says, “and coax Roger out of his burrow with the promise of food or rock ‘n roll.”

Freddie waves him away, “you seem to forget I know them as well as you do.”

“Yes, but they also tend to win you over easier than me.”

“That’s why we have you.”

Brian really can’t fight the face-splitting smile that forms on his face. Freddie’s eyes soften.

“Go shower, dove. We’ll be here.”

**Author's Note:**

> There's a lot to unpack in this, but I'll let y'all do that. I have a couple more thoughts for this series and where to go with it, but I love seeing what you guys think. As always leave your thoughts and comments below! Or come talk to me on Tumblr!


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